One of my favorite TLC songs was "what about your friends." I must say I have some of the best friends ever. Friends that will rough you up and will jump ignant...yes ignant if you cross me wrong and I would do the same for them. Lol. I have had the same friends since like almost pampers. The other clan of my friends I met in college. I believe that friendships...let me rephrase...healthy friendships are important and vital to life. Friends are there when family is absent. They cry with you, laugh with you and even put you in your place and hug you while doing so. They listen to you complain and sometimes willing to sit in jail with you lol. I don't have that much criteria for a friendship but you must be loyal, honest, cool, laid back and we not have the same taste in men. That last one is SUPER DUPER important. I have seen men destroy friendships so to nip that in the bud, you think my man is ugly...GREAT! We can be friends lol. I must say that I have been blessed with some of the greatest friends that any gal could ask for. I mean really....they have been by my side through thick and then and no argument could ever tear us apart. That is true friendship. But can I vent for a minute ya'll. There are friendships of mine that ended. One tragically and one not so tragic. Was actually relieved by that one. Let me tell you about it... *lays on therapy couch and takes a deep breath*
As I've told you guys before, that I tend to look at the best and people and sometimes overlook the worst unless it's just so loud you can't ignore it. Well this particular friend it was loud and clear and I refused to acknowledge it until it bit me in the behind. We had been friends off and on since the 3rd grade. She was sweet and had a good heart but was EXTREMELY opinionated. Many things were questioned with why you do this or why you wanna do that. But I never saw it as harm but my other friends did. I always had to defend this friend as well. Questions like "how do you put up with her" or "why are you 2 friends again?" It was really difficult but I loved her like a sister. So she has a baby, and I'm there for her throughout the pregnancy although she was the biggest....yeah....ever! Lol. I accredited it to the hormones and stayed by her side. I helped her out with buying things for the baby, etc. So fast forward some years. I remember getting upset with her because she didn't call me for my birthday. Yeah, it may seem petty but let me tell you why. She was the type that if you didn't call or show up at events, you would never hear the end of it. You try to tell her that its not big deal but yeah...the same fussing. So I stepped into the little childish side and didn't talk to her for about 6 months. I finally spoke with her and told her why I had been ignoring her. We kissed and made up and things were back to normal. So I had moved away for about and year and was returning home. I was a mentor for a summer program at JSU and was offered room, board, and a stipend. She offers that I stay with her during the summer. I first decline because I feared what could happen and in the end destroy our friendship. Sidebar: NEVER LIVE WITH YOUR FRIENDS IF YOU WANT TO FRIENDSHIP TO SURVIVE. She insisted so I obliged. And boy do I regret it. Things were cool and I was rearely there but there was something in my gut that was throwing all kinds of red flags. I couldn't put my finger on it. So after about 3 months I moved out and got an apartment. I decided to have a get together at my apartment to relieve some of the stress from finals and preparing for my oral defense. My roommate and I invite her and boy did she show up. We were playing phase 10 and she sits at the table. She exclaims that she wants to play spades. Well we are playing phase 10 right now so calm down. She then throws my cards and says again I want to play spades. I step away for a while because I'm hot! One of my guests had to tell her to calm herself and it wasn't cool that she was disrespecting our home like that. So she apologizes and then goes into a rant about how I stayed with her rent free and blah blah blah. *face palm* I knew that this was going to happen which is why I didn't want to live with her. I had to remind her that I didn't ask to stay with her and that I had a place to stay but YOU insisted that I stay with you. I regret that decision to this day but I'm glad it opened my eyes to some things. After that little spill, I was officially done with her and that friendship. We spoke some time after that about that night but I really didn't have much else to say or do with her. So that friendship ended and sadly I was a bit relieved.
Now to the friendship that hurt me to the core, still hurt a little til this day. This friend and I became friends around my senior year in high school. Before then I used to slick hate on her because she had the cutest dresses. But anyway, we became the best of friends. We were always at each others houses and forever laid upon each others boosum lol. We laughed together and we cried together. We were insepearable. I don't think we ever had an argument that I can remember. I knew that she wasn't to fond of my then boyfriend but I wasn't fond of hers either but we just supported one another. We went in on each other about one anothers significant other but like I said we supported each others choice and kept moving. One day I receive a text from her boyfriend saying that he had a dream about me. I inquired as to what it was about and let's just say it was beyond rated X. So to see how far he was going to go, I asked more questions like what about my bestfriend, where is all of this coming from. He goes to tell me that we could be great together and that she didn't have to know, blah blah, lie lie, trife trife. So now I'm faced with a difficult decision. To tell her or not to tell her. *wall slides* I get advice from my cousin who advised me not to say anything if I wanted to keep our friendship. I tell my then significant other about what happened and he demanded that I tell her. Sigh. My heart was racing because I knew that this was about to end our friendship. I was hoping that it wasn't but I had a bad feeling that it was. Maybe my approach to the situation was wrong but my heart was in the right place. So I tell her. She's upset but thanks me for telling her. Whooo...sigh of relief! So I call her the next day and she tells me about their confrontation. He tells her some of the most unbelievable lies known to man and guess what y'all....yep...she believes him. *face palm* I was upset but I figured it was going to happen. Love will make you do some stupid things and make you believe even worse. But what happened a few days later is what tipped me over the edge. I receive a phone call from her and I could tell by the tone in her voice that this conversation wasn't going to go well at all. She questions me about the events again and I stand my ground on what I told her before. She asks me why I didn't want to tell her and I explained who wants to tell anyone what their significant other was doing plus for fear that you wouldn't believe me and do what you are doing now. THEN she says that she felt like I wanted her man. O_O I asks where did this come from. And she says because I complemented him on his feet. O_O Out of all things on a man to complement the only thing I can complement you on is your feet....you must be really challenged in the face for me to complement you on your feet. LAWD. I laugh hysterically because I'm like you are my best friend, you know me, you know my taste in men, you know me and that I don't break up happy or unhappy homes...YOU KNOW ME! Lol. I again ask her is she serious and she was dead serious....sigh. So I basically had to lay down why I would never ever in a cold day in the lowest place ever want to be with her man and politely told her I'd talk to her later because I had a Ph.D. to get. *files nails* I had to basically say how he wasn't worth a quarter and why would I want that when I was a diamond! *paints nails and blows* Any who....needless to say our friendship ended on that day and was never rekindled. We conversed off and on after that but yeah. That hurt me to the core. I loved this girl like a sister. I was there when her son was born. I stayed with her when she was released from the hospital and got up with the baby so she could rest. I bought him clothes and did what friends do...help each other. So to allow this no good bleep words come between us was the hardest blow ever. I cried for months over that. But it made me stronger. What did I learn from this...never tell your friend that her man is cheating on her unless you are ready for the consequences. Sad yet true. Me...I wanna know but I've come to realize that everyone don't want to know. They would rather live in a lie. *shrugs*
My take home message for the day.....
Value the friendships that you have. Good friends and I mean GOOD LOYAL friends are hard to come by. I love and cherish the friendships that I have and tell them as often as possible how much I love them and appreciate them. Even though I've lost some friends in the process...I'm blessed to have the friends that are still around. So until tomorrow...cherish your fiends. Pray for them and love them.
Love you all!
Doc J
*tomorrow I will be talking about what I want to die in 2012*
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