Today I'm going to share a more vulnerable side of me. Something I've been struggling with a great portion of my whole life....weight. I had lost a significant amount of weight a few years ago and had kept it off for quite some time. I went through a depression state for about a year and had lost even more weight. No bueno. Then I started gaining again. Went through my divorce and started losing again. Then met boo love and guess what? Started gaining again. Homeboy can cook y'all and I LOVE to eat lol. Let me share some struggles.
I started working on nights about 2 years ago and my cortisol levels began to skyrocket which equals weight gain. No matter how healthy I eat or how much I work out, if I don't get these levels under control I'm going to forever hold on to the weight. Any who, I realized that my weight was increasing and had reach an all time high. So of course I decided to do something about it. So a little background of me and food. I LOVE to eat. Food was soothing for me. You know that warm and fuzzy feeling you get when you ate a delicious meal. So I started to see a nutritionist. I was given the task of watching what I ate, when I ate, how I felt, etc. It wasn't until then that I realized that I was an emotional eater. I started back working out as well. I started to track my weight and noticed little to no change from week to week. This discouragement would then lead to me going back to old habits. It wasn't until one day about 2 months ago after a shower I looked in the mirror and y'all I was disgusted. I was so disgusted that I turned the mirror around on my wall in my bedroom. How had I allowed myself to gain so much weight? I'm in the healthcare field. What was really going on with me? My metabolism is hiding somewhere, I just have to bring it out. So it was that day I decided to do something about it and remain committed to it.
I started Focus T25, which I absolutely love, started eating healthier and enough. I come to realized that my body was in straight starvation mode. I was eating 800 calories a day at best. I then changed my view of food. I started to look at food as fuel and not fun. Have I been perfect during my journey? No but I don't beat myself up about it. I take that frustration out on the track, gym, workout routine, or weights. I stopped weighing myself because it only discouraged me. The last time I had weighed myself I had lost 10 lbs and that has been weeks ago. I did, however, start to track inches lost. And boy was I surprised at how many inches I had lost. Here recently I felt that I wasn't making much progress but boo love assured me that he could see a difference. The real test came when I went to try on my wedding dress. Before, I could not fit my dress. Now I am happy to report that I can get in it and just have a few more inches to go before it fits perfectly! Woot Woot! *Ace Ventura pelvic thrusts* That was all the motivation I needed. Lately I have been a beast in the gym. I have so many people who have cheered me on and have made me accountable. *special shout out to Team Inferno and Mike Thompson*
To make a change, sometimes you have to revisit some hurtful and hard places to move forward. You have to evaluate things from every angle and develop a game plan and begin to execute. What I've gained from all of this is that I'm not longer 18 lol. My metabolism is nowhere near what it was when I was even 20 lol. Which means my progress may be a little slower and that's ok. I want to love the weight and keep it off. No more weight roller coasters. I want to be healthy and stronger. A few goals I have are to do pull ups and unmodified push ups. Y'all my upper body strength is pitiful. *hangs head in shame* I want to inspire others to take back control of their health. The last thing I learned from all of this is that my boo love loves me regardless of how I look. Even at my fattest he called me beautiful and when I started to complain about my weight we started working out together. He even developed a upper body strength workout for me. I love he so much! It feels good to be loved despite what I may think or feel. Right now my main goal is to remain committed, to keep pushing to my goal size, and to keep pushing. I will be the healthiest I have ever been in my life by 2014! 2 months ago I decided to take back my life and my health. Until tomorrow loves.....
Love,
Doc J
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