21 Days!! Forgiveness

Hey gang! I often get questions about my ex like "have you heard from him?", "What is he doing now?", "do you hate him?" Etc etc.Well to answer those questions. I have heard from him. He is where he is lol. And no I don't hate him, well not any more.  I forgave him. I'm going to be open and honest. Forgiveness did not come over night. I wanted to do all kinds of hateful things to him to get him back for how he hurt me. What kept me from doing something stupid like, oh say putting a Snickers bar in his gas tank, is a whisper from the holy spirit saying "vengeance is mine saith the Lord." During that time, friends and family were commending me for my strength but what they didn't know was that I had so much anger and hate brewing on the inside of me. I had all kinds of evil thoughts towards that man and the women that helped to destroy our marriage. I then turned this hatred from him to myself. I started to blame myself for his short comings and our ultimate divorce. I started questioning myself as to why and what I did wrong, what could I have done better. It was a very low point in my life. I started therapy, which helped tremendously, but I still had a hard time shaking the blame game on myself. The self hatred began growing as I realized that I could have avoided all of the hurt and pain. I knew from the beginning that he wasn't ready for marriage. So why did I go through it. Well as I look back I can finally answer that. I loved him. I thought he would change. I wanted to prove my father wrong that he was a good man and that he could be a good husband. It was a little bit of rebellion I guess you could say. The day I had a good ole fashion ugly snot cry was Whitney Houston's funeral. Lawd, that was a fune! Yes I was saddened by her death but when Donnie McClurkin got up there are started sanging...chile I lost it. That song spoke to my spirit and gave me strength. So after that I started writing and I started praying harder. It was through me writing that I realized it wasn't my fault and that it was ok that I made such a huge mistake. I had to make sure I never made it again. Writing also made me realized that I was much stronger than what I gave myself credit for. To have endured what I had gone through in that relationship and still have peace and my right mind is shear amazement and God. I started to grow but I still had not forgiven him. I really wanted him to suffer. As I was praying and reading the Bible, this verse hit me like a ton of bricks: For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15. And THEN this verse: And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. Mark 11:25. I had to forgive. I also didn't want to be that bitter divorced woman either. I knew that someday I would hope to remarry so I knew I had to get rid of this garbage before I entered into a new relationship. 

Once I forgave him, I felt a burden being lifted off my shoulders. I began to walk in life with expectations. You become a slave to those you hate and I refused to allow him to have that much power over me any more. Once I forgave him, the true test came. My ex calls. I answer. He apologized and admits that he made a mistake. He wished he could go back and change things and if given the opportunity he would show his change. I didn't snap, I didn't get angry, I listened. I told him that I forgave him and that I prayed for him. I had reached a point where I wished nothing bad on him. I prayed that he got everything that he wanted in life. But I did say that I would rather choke on glass than to rekindle our relationship. *shrugs* I forgave and moved on. 

What did I learn and what I hope you get from this: 

Never marry someone with the expectation of change. If he's/she's a lying, cheating, snake in the grass when you're dating, he/she will be that x100 when you get married. People will treat as good/bad as you allow them to. Don't beat yourself up for mistakes and don't allow anyone else to do so either. We're human and entitled to them. It's ok to let go of people who are not good for you. Don't allow anyone to guilt trip you into staying in a relationship and/or friendship. Friends do outgrow one another. It happens. Finally, in order to truly be free, you must forgive. Forgiveness is essential to moving on and letting go. True forgiveness means to remember no more, to cast away. Plus I want a seat in the kingdom with my heavenly father so I'm not gonna let some peanut head keep me from that lol. Why speak on this now you ask? Well sometimes you have to reflect on your past to appreciate your future. If me having to go through all of the foolery to get to where I am now....it was worth it. I'm stronger, I'm more easy to forgive, and I have joy. Most importantly, I'm marrying the man I prayed for in 3 weeks. I couldn't be more thankful and honored.

Until tomorrow.....

Love,

Doc J

23 Days!! Happy Birthday Michael!

It wouldn't be me if I didn't write about my most favorite artist of all time, Michael Joseph Jackson. Today is his birthday and he would've been 55. He was taken away from us way too soon. I have all of his albums, seen every video, watched every concert on YouTube, etc etc. My only dream was to see him live but you know.....I won't go there today lol. Anyway, here are 6 reasons why Michael Jackson was awesome!

1. His heart
Michael had a heart of gold. He would give to anyone especially children. His love for people was grand. Because of that it lead him to be a little naive and vulnerable. I often tell people that having a big heart can be a gift and a curse.

2. His voice
That natural vibrato in his voice...wooo Chile! You knew it was Michael when you heard the first note. His speaking voice was quite soft and unmanly at times, lol, but when he got on that stage it was like a powerhouse! We are here for it Michael! Yaaasssss!

3. Thriller
Enough said! Period! *drops Mic* but for real y'all if that wasn't the greatest video of all time! It was just....man lol. Amazeballs! And the making of thriller was a classic! Yes!

4. Motown 25
When Michael moonwalked for his life on that day. Everyone sat and watched in awe as he so gracefully slid across the stage. It was beautiful! Single tears fell throughout the world that day. It's like the little Michael that everyone had watch over the years had arrived. It was a proud momma moment for all.

5. His live performances
Last year marked 25 years since the album Bad had released. To mark this monumental day, it was decided to release the DVD of the concert at Wembley stadium. Y'all I hollered and screamed as if I were really there. My neighbors were real mad lol. I remember when the Dangerous tour in Bucharest aired on HBO in the early 90s, my siblings and I anxiously awaited for it to come on. And when it come on, we lost our mind! He shot on stage and people started crying and passing out and he hadn't even said a word yet. He moved his head and more people started passing out. Then there was the infamous super bowl performance. That was by far the BEST super bowl half time performance ever! Hands Down!

6. His videos aka short films
I really feel sorry for our youth because they will not experience the excitement of MTV's world premiere of a music video. The excitement that came was priceless ESPECIALLY if it was a Michael Jackson world premiere. The world stopped and watched. I remember Bad's world premier like it was yesterday. Then the movie Moonwalker! It was too much for the masses! The smooth criminal lean...yesss! And when Remember the Time premiered....we were all amazed. His short films were iconic and trailblazing. There has yet to be another like them.

I probably could've gone on but no sense in beating a dead horse. We all know he's great and he's greatly missed. What are some of your favorite MJ moments.

Until tomorrow.....

*moonwalks, spins, lands on toes, pelvic thrusts, smooth criminal leans and shamones*

Doc J

P.S. you're welcome

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=an2BUWq1RaA&feature=youtube_gdata_player

24 Days!!! Are We There Yet?

50 years ago today, Dr. Martin Luther King gave his "I Have a Dream" speech. It was one of the most monumental moments in the history of civil rights. In speech he speaks on a dream that one day we will all live in harmony and not be judged by the color of our skin but by the content of our character. I have a question. Are we there yet? Have we reach a space where the color of our skin is no longer the source of judgement? Are race relations harmonious? I believe as a country we've come a long way but we have so much further to go. Let me explain....

I have never understood racism. I don't care how much I sit down and try to wrap my mind around it, I really don't get it. It seems juvenile to not like someone because of the pigmentation of their skin. That's just my opinion but hey....Plus, how could I be racist? Look at me? Who knows what all ethnicities I'm mixed with. I only know for sure that I'm black and Native American. I have a nephew who is multiracial. *shout out to my pookie man* Again, we have come a long way. I don't think that 50 years ago that anyone would've fathom that we would have a black president. However, now that we have a black president, race seems to be a hot topic. 

It's really hard to believe that in 2013 we are still talking about race. It really baffles me.  What irritates me about the whole race issue is that now that we have a black president, it's is now time to end racism and it is the president's job to do so. *face palms and smacks hand* NO! It is not the black president's job to "fix" racism. It's the American people's job. He is only one man and can't save the world people. Also, why wasn't racism an issue during other presidencies? So again, stop looking for the president to be the "savior" of all things to be fixed.  I read this book call "How to be Black" by Baratunde Thurston that gave me life. It's a great satirical and comedic book displaying the many sterotypes that have been placed on black people. I highly suggest all races read this book. But in the book he suggests that to end racism, one day someone should declare that on this day racism has ended and that's the end of racism. I chuckled but what if it was just that easy. What if we just went on television one day and declared that on this day, August 28, 2013, racism is no more and equality for all! In a perfect world...*stares out window*

So here we are...do I think we are there yet? I think that as a country there has been good strides but there is still a long way to go. Equality for all is still yet a myth and racial judgments are still holding strong. In my opinion I think we have a long way to go. I would like to think that racism would just die but we still have people in the world that encourage stupidity and pass it on from generation to generation. Racism isn't innate. It is bread from generation to generation. One can only hope that we would stop judging others based on their skin color but by their character. Could you imagine a world without racism? No more walking on the other side of the street when you see a black person. No more clinching your purse when I walk into an elevator. No more being followed in the store or not offering assistance in a store because of skin color. No need for affirmative action because everyone will be judged equally. No more senseless killings of our you black men. No more racial profiling. Wouldn't it be grand? But as of now, one can only dream....we still have a dream....

Until tomorrow,

Doc J 

25 Days!! Open Letter to Music

Hey Gang! 25 Days and I'm really starting to feel anxious! Sorry for the 2 day hiatus. I was exhausted after my surprise party *thanks again guys, you rock!*, church, spending time with my family, working on programs, seating charts, etc etc. I needed some rest. I knew if I wrote anything it would look like this: ajdjadoiejakdjaoinreihaihd so yeah.... Anywho, after hearing about Miley Cyrus's performance and seeing the priceless pic of the Smith family's reaction to it AND Robine Thicke looking like Beetlejuice -_-, I decided today to write an open letter to the music industry. Here goes....

Dear Music,

I love music. There are many songs that have been the soundtrack to my life. But today, I'm so disappointed. I'm so confused. Let me explain. I watched parts of the VMA's and not only was I like 0_0 I also hung my head in shame. Not only did Miley Cyrus look a hot mess did you not hear that voice or the lack thereof. I....sigh.... MJ is spinning and moonwalking all over his grave right now at the foolishness. I really want to love music again but you guys make it so hard.

Justin Timberlake, thank you for giving me life! Thank you for bringing back R&B. And that performance....YES I LIVE!!!! Although I still throw a little shade at you for throwing my girl Janet Jackson under the bus *no I never forgot* I can't stay mad at you because you are actually making me like music again. Please don't go that long without giving us greatness. MMMKay?

Miley Cyrus.... See these --> _/ _/ _/ Have all of them. As a matter of fact put super glue on them and never get up. Please...all of America is begging for this.

Robin Thicke...sir...this lawsuit...really. As much as I love blurred lines, when I first heard it all I could think is man they must have put their on little twist on Marvin Gaye's song. Sounds fresh. I think you've been smoking too much OOOO WEEE if you know what I mean so yeah...no....smh.....

Janet Jackson....Can you Puhleeassseee get back in the studio with Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis. Your whispers had purpose and we so need it right now. So you can show Ciara how it's really done. Thank you. I would really appreciate it.

Miguel...I have a love/hate relationship with you. Your album is great but live you sound a little flat. Maybe you should drink some tea before the show or practice or something...I can't quite put my finger on it but something ain't right.

Rap music.....ummmm...I love ratchet music just like the next person but can we please get something of some substance every now and then. That would be amaze balls.

Conrad Murray...I still wanna pimp slap you. Every day I fall to my knees and ask why did you have to take such greatness away from us. You robbed us of one of the GREATEST comebacks ever!!! Could you imagine what music would be like right now would be like if MJ was still here?!? He would probably challenge y'all to do better and GET YO LIFE! I really wanna punch you sir....no really I do!

There are so many others I would like to call out right now but time and my heart won't allow me. I think we as consumers are part to blame in this because we keep supporting foolery. There are artists with amazing talent and just continue to put out garbage. Please do better. I think the world is yearning for some good music right about now. To those who are still working it... thank you. It's because of you that people actually still go out and by CDs. If you lack talent....just have a seat and STOP IT mmmkay?!?


Well until tomorrow......

Hoping Music Changes,

Doc J

28 Days!!!! Mirror Mirror On the Wall

Today I'm going to share a more vulnerable side of me. Something I've been struggling with a great portion of my whole life....weight. I had lost a significant amount of weight a few years ago and had kept it off for quite some time. I went through a depression state for about a year and had lost even more weight. No bueno. Then I started gaining again. Went through my divorce and started losing again. Then met boo love and guess what? Started gaining again. Homeboy can cook y'all and I LOVE to eat lol. Let me share some struggles.

I started working on nights about 2 years ago and my cortisol levels began to skyrocket which equals weight gain. No matter how healthy I eat or how much I work out, if I don't get these levels under control I'm going to forever hold on to the weight. Any who, I realized that my weight was increasing and had reach an all time high. So of course I decided to do something about it. So a little background of me and food. I LOVE to eat. Food was soothing for me. You know that warm and fuzzy feeling you get when you ate a delicious meal. So I started to see a nutritionist. I was given the task of watching what I ate, when I ate, how I felt, etc. It wasn't until then that I realized that I was an emotional eater. I started back working out as well. I started to track my weight and noticed little to no change from week to week. This discouragement would then lead to me going back to old habits. It wasn't until one day about 2 months ago after a shower I looked in the mirror and y'all I was disgusted. I was so disgusted that I turned the mirror around on my wall in my bedroom. How had I allowed myself to gain so much weight? I'm in the healthcare field. What was really going on with me? My metabolism is hiding somewhere, I just have to bring it out. So it was that day I decided to do something about it and remain committed to it.

I started Focus T25, which I absolutely love, started eating healthier and enough. I come to realized that my body was in straight starvation mode. I was eating 800 calories a day at best. I then changed my view of food. I started to look at food as fuel and not fun. Have I been perfect during my journey? No but I don't beat myself up about it. I take that frustration out on the track, gym, workout routine, or weights. I stopped weighing myself because it only discouraged me. The last time I had weighed myself I had lost 10 lbs and that has been weeks ago. I did, however, start to track inches lost. And boy was I surprised at how many inches I had lost. Here recently I felt that I wasn't making much progress but boo love assured me that he could see a difference. The real test came when I went to try on my wedding dress. Before, I could not fit my dress. Now I am happy to report that I can get in it and just have a few more inches to go before it fits perfectly! Woot Woot! *Ace Ventura pelvic thrusts* That was all the motivation I needed. Lately I have been a beast in the gym. I have so many people who have cheered me on and have made me accountable. *special shout out to Team Inferno and Mike Thompson*

To make a change, sometimes you have to revisit some hurtful and hard places to move forward. You have to evaluate things from every angle and develop a game plan and begin to execute. What I've gained from all of this is that I'm not longer 18 lol. My metabolism is nowhere near what it was when I was even 20 lol. Which means my progress may be a little slower and that's ok. I want to love the weight and keep it off. No more weight roller coasters. I want to be healthy and stronger. A few goals I have are to do pull ups and unmodified push ups. Y'all my upper body strength is pitiful. *hangs head in shame*  I want to inspire others to take back control of their health. The last thing I learned from all of this is that my boo love loves me regardless of how I look. Even at my fattest he called me beautiful and when I started to complain about my weight we started working out together. He even developed a upper body strength workout for me. I love he so much! It feels good to be loved despite what I may think or feel. Right now my main goal is to remain committed, to keep pushing to my goal size, and to keep pushing. I will be the healthiest I have ever been in my life by 2014! 2 months ago I decided to take back my life and my health. Until tomorrow loves.....



Love,

Doc J

29 Days!!! Sweet Crush

*inhales and lets out a long deep exhale* Hello! My name is Doc J and I'm addicted to Candy Crush Saga. *hangs head in shame* Y'all this game right here.....I know it is destroying lives and causing people to lose their jobs. It has people in need of rehab like for real for real. This game is not like any other game that has EVER been released. If you don't play, please don't start....don't do it Ms. Celie....Noooo Ms. Celie Don't do it! And if you go against my warnings then don't say I didn't warn you. Candy Crush is here and is here to stay people. Why you ask? Because every few weeks they add like 200 more levels and you're like....yeah..... It's like you fall to your knees and scream to the heavens like WHHHHYYYY JESUS! WHHHHYYYYY?!?!?!? So here is why I don't like this game be refuse to uninstall it.

The bombs!!!

Like why? Why must you do this to us. Then they have like 3 moves before they blow up or they are covered in a gazillion blocks and you're like what? Just....yeah....

Those darn chocolates!!!

These things are straight from the spawn of satan. The come at the most inconvenient of times. Then when you think you've gotten rid of them, they come back with a vengeance and you just want to chunk your phone, ipad, tablet, etc.  These chocolates have you fighting the air.

Candies in the cage!!!

Why lock the candies up? What they do that they had to be locked up? They all up in the way and stuff. Poor candies. No justice! No peace!

The unknown (?) candies that end up hurting you more than helping you!!!

So these egg shaped candies you thing will bring you great suprises that will help you advance to the next level and what does it do? Why it gives you those black springy things or blocks, bombs, chocolates, just all kinds of horrible treats. Why do this to us? Just pure evil.

Only 5 lives!!!

Need I say more about this? 5 lives is not only an insult but a disgrace to all who have vested so much into the game. The makers of the game should be ashamed and should increase the lives to at least 10, 15, hey even 20. But you know why they won't do this? It's not for the lost of profits but society as a whole would just fail....catastrophic fail! 

Waiting for your friends to send you tickets to the next episode!!!!

I really don't have to discuss this further...this is just wrong! Patience is a virtue but not when it comes to candy crush!

You have one jelly left to remove and you are out of moves but refuse to pay for extra moves!!!!

Yeah and this is self explanatory too. Like you just want to drop kick your phone and shake the person sitting next to you.

So why haven't I uninstalled the game? I'm glad you asked. Because I'm not a quitter LOL. I'm too vested. I've come too far. I'm going to see this game through to the end people. I must admit though that I have gotten better and allocating time to playing Candy Crush. Now if I could get the dreams to stop of how to beat a level we would be in the business. How are you guys handling your sweet crush? Well until tomorrow loves....and yes I'm about to play! I have 5 lives and some lives in the bank so *in my Ice Cube voice* today is a good day!

Love, 

Doc J

30 Days: What happened???

Hey Gang! Welp here we are. 30 days left! *pelvic thrusts* Today I'm going to pose the question: What happened??? Last night boo love cooked dinner for me and sis in law and boy did he put his foot in that food! LAWD! *waves church fan* So with good food usually comes good conversation. My sis in law is a new teacher and it's only been a week since school has been in session and boy the stories she told.... let us pray! But I posed the question of what happened? Not just to our children but to black people as a whole. This question has been burning within me for quite some time now. As African Americans, our heritage and roots come from kings and queens. We fought for justice and equality. A force to be reckoned with. We have come from Black Power and I'm Black and I'm Proud to twerking for life, sexy with voluptuous curves but the brain of a earthworm, senseless killings, epic fails, plethora face palms, and the list goes on. What happened to us as black people? And let's not even get on the whole reality T.V. tip....I know God is looking down throwing constant shade at the foolery that is projected on these shows. I'm getting tired of having to explain to my Caucasian counterparts that not all black people act like this. Sigh.... Let me attempt to dissect this here for a moment....I'm not expert or anything, I'm just speaking from personal experiences and making a few observations.

One conversation boo love, sis in law, and I had was that people, mostly black people, are shocked when asked if we have any children and the answer is no or if asked if we have a baby momma/daddy and the answer is no. I have a serious problem with this line of questioning. First, why is the question "are you married" not being asked first? Why are we being asked if we have a baby momma/daddy? Why are our goals and expectations so low? Why are we not striving for marriage and THEN a family? I know times are different where out of wed lock children are more acceptable but is this acceptance hurting us as a community. One problem is that the black family is so disoriented and almost extinct to the point where single parent homes are becoming the norm. I know there are some single parents out there not by choice and who are working there tails off and I applaud you guys. It's the other end of the spectrum that I'm referring to. One of my goals in life was to never become a baby momma. I wanted my children to be in a 2 parent home because I understood the importance of it. Which leads me to my next point....

Why are young girls/women twerking for life and our young men are killing themselves or are in jail? I'm glad you asked. Absent fathers. I didn't realize the importance of the role of a father until I got older. There is only so much a mother can teach. Women tend to gravitate towards men like their fathers or gravitate towards that void that the absent  father left. Men tend to emulate the actions of their father or like the woman, attempts to fill the void of the absent father either in a positive light or in a destructive manner. It hurts my heart so see a woman define herself by her outer curves and not by the content of her character. My message to you, baby girl beauty fades. No man wants a woman that only stimulates his loins but wants a woman that can stimulate his intellect as well. *I think I said something there* Fatherless sons and daughters is real people and it's hurting us in so many facets of life.

Another consensus that we came to is that parents just seem to not care anymore and rely too heavily on teachers and other folk to raise their children. I can't say that parents are getting younger. My parents were young when they had me and I feel that they did an awesome job. The average age of a parent back in the day was 17, so that's not an excuse. My belief is that paper chasing has become more important than instilling morals and values. I'm not saying not to get your money boo boo but you have to put things in perspective. I remember growing up, my parents made sure we did our homework, showed up to parent teacher conferences, came to every choir concert, track meet, volleyball game, etc. I remember family vacations and talking at the dinner table. I remember the the encouraging words that you can be whatever you want to be as long as you put in work and pray. Now, T.V., internet, Xbox, PlayStation etc are raising our children and we know the foolery that is displayed on these venues. Shoot cartoons are even the same. SMH.

So what are we do as black folk? Are we too far gone that there is no turning back? It's really time for us to stop talking and start working. We need to mend the black family. It really does take a village to raise a child. I don't have all the answers but it is past due for change. It's time for mothers to stop blocking a father from seeing his child/children because the relationship didn't work out between the 2 of you. -_- It's time for us to raise our children and not use them as a child support check and government aid. -_- *yep I said it* It's time for us build our families on a solid foundation and be an example to our children so that they may pass the torch on to their children and their children's children. It's time for boys to become men and step up and be the father's that our children so desperately need and are yearning for. I know deep in my heart that we can do it. It's going to take a lot of hard work, determination, motivation, and inspiration but it can be done. We must hurry before the black family becomes extinct. Are you with me in the quest? These are just a few of my thoughts and I will end here. Until tomorrow loves.....


Love,

Doc J

31 Days!!!

Hey Gang!

Long time no blog huh. I know I know...but life has been great and hectic as of late. But I really don't have an excuse, well except Candy Crush but that's a topic for a later blog post. So I decided that I would blog every day until the day of my wedding like I did for my 30th birthday. I would really like to first say thank you to all of those who read my blog and the great responses I got during that time. You really don't know how much I appreciated that and you guys really inspired me to keep going. I'm really no writer so the fact that you guys liked little ole me really meant a bundles and I'm thanking and e hugging every last one of you.

So this time around I'm not going to just talk about wedding stuff so don't fret. I have a lot going on in this big head of mine, so stick with me on this journey of becoming Mrs. Parker. Guys, I am super excited and so ready for it all to be over at the same time. Planning a wedding is beyond stressful so it's like please be over already lol. I must say that my friends and family have been AMAZING during this time, so if I haven't thanked you already here's a special thank you to you. Another reason why I'm so excited is because I love that man! Every day my love for him gets stronger and during our marriage counseling I realized how much more I loved him and couldn't wait to be his wife. That man....that man! LAWD thank you! *shouts and does jig* It's amazing what happens in your life if you just wait on the Lord and He definitely showed up and showed out!*shouts again*

The questions I keep getting is J how do you feel? Are you nervous? Are you excited? etc etc. As far as the wedding concerns I feel overwhelmed but over all I feel great. I'm not nervous because this time around I waited on God rather than doing going on hopes and dreams. I have a few butterflies but that's only because I'm marrying such a great man. Excited? Understatement. I could do a toe touch. I can't wait to see what life brings as husband and wife and of course to make some cute little mulatto babies. *giggles* To reach the point where I am, I know it was God. To finally be happy and to have joy and peace...it's amazing. Yes troubles arise and have come and gone but we've overcame and are overcoming. We walk hand in hand knowing that God will never leave us nor forsake us as long as we are living for Him. It's a good feeling y'all!

Walk with me on this journey as I share my ups and my downs, my feelings, my concerns, and of course the random stuff. Until tomorrow loves.....


Love,

Doc J