Where is the love?

Hey gang! It's been a while. I actually wrote this with 6 days to go before I became Mrs. Paaakaaaah. However, I didn't finish the post because that was the day that my world stopped. It was the day that my baby sis and my niece were involved in a car accident. I truly thank you all for all the phone calls, texts, and prayers. My sister has recovered well and my niece is recovering well. She is still a ham. To watch God move in her life has been nothing short of a miracle. Continue to pray for her speedy recovery. So today I'm going to piggy back off my friend's blog post. She posed the question Thoughts on love: where is it? You can check it out here. So here are my thoughts and personal experiences.

***DISCLAIMER: I am NOT a relationship expert. I do not know it all and am speaking from my own personal experiences. Mmmmkaaayy***

Ok now that that's out the way let's get to it. After my divorce, I couldn't fathom being in a relationship. I knew that some day I wanted to remarry but not anytime soon. This go round I did things much differently. First I dated myself. I got to know me a little better. I took myself out to eat, to the movies, to concerts, etc. Basically I started treating myself like I wanted to be treated by a potential mate. Next I started to study what a Godly woman looked like. I looked at Ruth and Naomi and Proverbs 31 and then finally 1 and 2 Timothy. I knew that I was a good wife in my previous marriage but I wanted to be better...well actually the best. So I began to emulate those things in which I studied. I also did a few bible studies with my teenage girls about the topics. I now realize and believe that it was this process that was preparing me to be found by my mate. Finally I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. I prayed that God would protect him and that He would start to move in his life. I prayed for a man that knew God, not just toting a bible and quoting scripture man but a man after God's heart. I also prayed that if my future husband didn't know God that he would have an open heart to receive God. Then I waited...well actually I didn't want a relationship and was becoming comfortable being by myself. It got lonely at times but at least I wasn't being hurt or cheated on. I was also willing to wait on the Lord this time around. Love takes a lot of work. It isn't self seeking, it's patient, it's kind, it's forgiving. 

So where is the love? I believe that love is first found within you. Then that love resonates outward and when the right person comes along it will be contagious. That love is found in God's love. When you begin to understand who you are and you're aligned with God's will, He will definitely bless you with the desires of your heart. I don't know the exact location to find love because it found me at a local car lot. I thank God daily for His blessing of love. Not just His love but the love of my boo love. On September 21, he made me the happiest woman ever and here a little over a month later, the honey is still on the moon baby! 

Until next time guys....

Love,

Doc J

5 Days!!! Why

On yesterday the unthinkable happened. While on their way to church my baby sister and my niece were in an accident. My niece's mom called me hysterical because she had already arrived at church and was waiting on them. We had just gotten off the phone. My niece had to be airlifted to the hospital. My baby sister sustained some injuries and is recovering well. My niece is in critical condition and is fighting. She's progressing well. Tears fall occasionally because they are both blessed to be alive. Things could have been much worse and I'm forever grateful. But I have to ask why? Why now? Why ever? Those are my babies. I remember when both were born and brought home from the hospital. I was so happy when my step mom told us she was preggers with my baby sis. My other sibling were upset but that was because they were some spoiled brats lol. Just kidding. My niece made me a Tee Tee for the first time. She was my little poosha pie. I never try to question God's will but man. This is tough. I know that God will never put more on me than I can bare but Lord this is a bit much. I don't know why but I have to accept it. I feel guilty about the wedding now. I'm not as excited about it anymore. I know my family wants me to move forward but it's still difficult. One thing I can say that it further shows me how much I love and appreciate boo love. He has been my rock throughout all of this. He hasn't left my side since it all happened and I'm forever grateful. I am also blessed with some of the best friends EVER! You guys have been amazing. I thank each and every one of you for your phone calls, prayers, text messages, your offerings of  assistance, etc. I can't say thank you enough. We serve an awesome God and it's amazing the people he places in your path to help during difficult times. Despite it all I still praise God for sparing their life. I praise him for the continued progress in their prognosis. I praise God for all that He's done for our family during this time. He just continues to show up and show out. It's my prayer that God gets the glory in all of this. I know my God is able! Continue to keep us in your prayers and start praising him right now for all that he has done, is doing, and will do. Amen, Amen, and AMEN!


Doc J

7 Days!!! 10 Reasons

Hey gang! 7 Days!!!! YEEEAAAHHHH!! *in my T. I. voice* Dress is steamed and pressed and ready to go. All times are set and yada yada. I can't wait! Anywho...I started writing this last week and since I'm up watching the Alabama vs TX A&M game (I should be sleep by the way) I decided to go ahead and finish it.Today is all about my boo love. *stares out window* Oh how I love he let me count the ways....*twirls in glitta* Here are 10 reasons why I love boo love in no particular order.

1. He can cook! *High fives Jesus*
When I say home skillet can cook...home skillet can cook y'all. He makes the best blueberry pancakes and biscuits. LAWD. I can't really think of anything he's made that wasn't good. He puts his big toe in everything he cooks. Amen, Amen, and Amen again!

2. We can talk about anything.
I love our conversations. We talk about everything from sports to religion to politics, etc. Sometimes we talk all night till sunrise. We've never argued. We have our disagreements but we talk them through and all is well again. Our conversations are the absolute best!

3. He's my best friend!
I can honestly say that he is my best friend. We do everything together. He fits in well with my friends and their husbands. We're one big happy family. We laugh and joke on each other like the best of friends. He's my travel partner. He's just an amazing friend.

4. Tall, dark, handsome, bow-legged and nice booty! *High fives and daps Jesus*
Whenever I see him, he makes my heart skip a beat. His smile brightens my bad days. God really showed out when he made that sexy man. Yes Lawd! I always tease him about his walk. And yes I stare at his booty lol. I'm such a perv but I can't help but to admire that handsome man!

5. He supports me!
Any goal or aspiration I have, he rises to to the occasion. He's my biggest cheerleader. He's been the key motivator in my weight loss. He helps me with achieving my goals and I am forever grateful.

6. An amazing listener!
As a woman, sometimes I don't want an answer to my problem. I just want to talk it out and get things off my chest. He just listens and comforts me when necessary. He pays attention to my needs and desires and reacts accordingly. He listens even when I'm not saying anything.

7. God Fearing!
I love that he puts God first in his life. It comforts me in knowing that a man of God will be leading our household.

8. He's my personal trainer!
When I shared my weight loss struggles with him, he started working out with me. I told him how I want to build muscle and strengthen my weak areas and he developed workouts just for that for me. Yes, he's tough on me while we work out but I know it's out of love. He developed this interval training circuit for me so tough that I wanted to punch him for it lol. He also changed the way he cooks to be clean and healthy. I love he for that.

9. Did I mention he can cook! *High fives Jesus again and sings a hymn*
Just had to mention that again lol. *rocks back and forth and waves hand*

10. He adores me!!
The way he looks at me makes me blush. He gives the best hugs and kisses. When I fall asleep in his arms, he whispers in my ear that I look like an angel. He tells me everyday how beautiful I am to him. He always finds a way to make me blush. He thinks I'm the best thing since slice bread and it's refreshing.


Y'all I love that man. I can wait to his mulatto babies. I can't wait to travel the world with him. I can't wait walk together in life as husband and wife. To my boo love, Jeffery Parker II I love you. I'm so thankful for you and couldn't imagine a more perfect mate for me. I can't wait to see your smile when I walk down the aisle to become your wife. It's my prayer that we never stop loving each other, to always put God first, never stop dating one another and to always remember why we fell with one another. I love you and 7 more days babaaaayyyy!!!


Too excited,

Doc J

12 Days!!! Emotions

I can't believe that next week I will be marrying my boo love. It became real when coordinator and ceremony/reception site wanted to meet to finalize plans. I can't believe 6 months have gone by so fast. These past few days have been a little hectic trying to get last minute things taken care of. We both see the light at the end of the tunnel. *sings praises* Am I nervous? Not at all. I'm ready for it all to be over and live life as husband and wife. Now if I can just get a free maid to come clean my house, that would be so clutch right now. Plus when it rains it pours. My check engine light came on and of course it cost me an arm, a leg and 2 fingers to get it fixed. Sigh.... Anyhow, what are these emotions that you are feeling right now? Let me explain.....

One I am more than ever wishing my mom was here with me. Don't get me wrong my step mother and family have been amazing during this time but I really wish my mom was here to help me sort through some of the craziness that has been going on. To have her hold me and rock me would be so amazing right now. I know I'm 30 but being rocked and held by your mother never gets old. Shoot I still sit in my dad's lap until he starts joking about his leg falling asleep. -_- I really hope that she is proud.

I'm also a little emotional about where I've come and where I am. I'm not where I want to be but the love that I have with my soon to be husband is amazing. This time I waited on the Lord and LOOK. AT. GOD! Lol. I've still been healing from past experiences but he makes it so easy and I love him to pieces for it. I guess that's my reasoning for not being nervous. I think I'm more anxious than anything. I can't wait to see family and friends at the ceremony. I can't wait to see what he looks like in his tux. And y'all he looks Lawd have mercy good in a suit. *high fives Jesus* I can't wait to have my dad walk me down the aisle. You know all the mushy stuff.

I haven't been a bridezilla or anything. Yes some people have thoroughly gotten on my nerves but I'm praying on that. So what do I have planned for the next few days you ask? Most of the wedding plans are done. I have a few small odds and ends to complete but for the most part it is finished. Now I'm just trying to remain calm and stop this sinus infection from happening. *waves fist at Mississippi weather* Sidebar: Dancing Machine just came on my Spotify and I have to stop to pop and lock it! *proceeds to doing the robot* Ok I'm back lol. Well off to prepare for my meeting with the people!

Lata!

Doc J

19 Days!! My Ideal Body

It's almost time guys! I'm getting excited! Woot Woot! On yesterday, I spent time with my crazy family from Michigan. It just sucked I had to work but was elated that I got a chance to spend a few minutes with them. Anywho, everyone has an idea of their perfect body, chiseled arms, sculpted back, lean thighs, ignant donk...ya know. So if I could sculpt the perfect body, here is what it would look like....


1. Michelle Obama's arms
Y'all....her arms are amazing. I love the first lady anyway because of her poise and class. I know being first lady has to be such a challenge but she deals with it with such grace. I really need get on her upper body regime because her arms are just....yes I LIVE! With all the stress she endures, I would probably be eating all kinds of unhealthy foolery so I applaud her for staying healthy and in shape. Her arms are my goal!

2. Janet Jackson's abs
As someone who has struggled with self esteem and weight issues herself, Janet has always seemed to bounce back. Her abs are just amaze balls! Janet was my idol growing up. I wanted to be her so bad. I had the rhythm nation outfit and errythang. I even attempted to make the key earring but that was a fail. I used to have abs back in the day. *stares off into memory lane* I too one day soon shall have abs like you Janet. I'm coming for you *evil laugh just kidding* :)

3. Tina Turner's legs
This woman is what 73 and she still look amazing. I don't know if she is drinking unicorn tears or what but I need some asapedly.  You know your legs have to be amazing if you got insurance on them. Tina I salute you!


4. Serena Williams gluteus maximus
I really don't have to say much here....like I wouldn't mind having her whole body. One day....one day....


Last but not least, as I age, I only hope that I age as gracefully as Myrlie Evers. Did you guys see her at the inauguration? When I googled her age my jaw dropped. Yes people she is 80 years old. She looks amazing. Not only that she looks to be in good health.


I have struggled with my weight and self image for most of my life. But this year, I committed myself to changing that. I stopped making excuses and started setting goals. I've met many of those goals and I'm still striving to go harder and become stronger. My goal is to not be on any medications when I get older and to be in great health. I also want to be an inspiration to others to not give up and to put their health as a priority. Welp, time for me to go workout now. Who are your body idols? By 2014 I will be in the best shape in my life!

Until tomorrow.....

On the road to sexy,

Doc J

21 Days!! Forgiveness

Hey gang! I often get questions about my ex like "have you heard from him?", "What is he doing now?", "do you hate him?" Etc etc.Well to answer those questions. I have heard from him. He is where he is lol. And no I don't hate him, well not any more.  I forgave him. I'm going to be open and honest. Forgiveness did not come over night. I wanted to do all kinds of hateful things to him to get him back for how he hurt me. What kept me from doing something stupid like, oh say putting a Snickers bar in his gas tank, is a whisper from the holy spirit saying "vengeance is mine saith the Lord." During that time, friends and family were commending me for my strength but what they didn't know was that I had so much anger and hate brewing on the inside of me. I had all kinds of evil thoughts towards that man and the women that helped to destroy our marriage. I then turned this hatred from him to myself. I started to blame myself for his short comings and our ultimate divorce. I started questioning myself as to why and what I did wrong, what could I have done better. It was a very low point in my life. I started therapy, which helped tremendously, but I still had a hard time shaking the blame game on myself. The self hatred began growing as I realized that I could have avoided all of the hurt and pain. I knew from the beginning that he wasn't ready for marriage. So why did I go through it. Well as I look back I can finally answer that. I loved him. I thought he would change. I wanted to prove my father wrong that he was a good man and that he could be a good husband. It was a little bit of rebellion I guess you could say. The day I had a good ole fashion ugly snot cry was Whitney Houston's funeral. Lawd, that was a fune! Yes I was saddened by her death but when Donnie McClurkin got up there are started sanging...chile I lost it. That song spoke to my spirit and gave me strength. So after that I started writing and I started praying harder. It was through me writing that I realized it wasn't my fault and that it was ok that I made such a huge mistake. I had to make sure I never made it again. Writing also made me realized that I was much stronger than what I gave myself credit for. To have endured what I had gone through in that relationship and still have peace and my right mind is shear amazement and God. I started to grow but I still had not forgiven him. I really wanted him to suffer. As I was praying and reading the Bible, this verse hit me like a ton of bricks: For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15. And THEN this verse: And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. Mark 11:25. I had to forgive. I also didn't want to be that bitter divorced woman either. I knew that someday I would hope to remarry so I knew I had to get rid of this garbage before I entered into a new relationship. 

Once I forgave him, I felt a burden being lifted off my shoulders. I began to walk in life with expectations. You become a slave to those you hate and I refused to allow him to have that much power over me any more. Once I forgave him, the true test came. My ex calls. I answer. He apologized and admits that he made a mistake. He wished he could go back and change things and if given the opportunity he would show his change. I didn't snap, I didn't get angry, I listened. I told him that I forgave him and that I prayed for him. I had reached a point where I wished nothing bad on him. I prayed that he got everything that he wanted in life. But I did say that I would rather choke on glass than to rekindle our relationship. *shrugs* I forgave and moved on. 

What did I learn and what I hope you get from this: 

Never marry someone with the expectation of change. If he's/she's a lying, cheating, snake in the grass when you're dating, he/she will be that x100 when you get married. People will treat as good/bad as you allow them to. Don't beat yourself up for mistakes and don't allow anyone else to do so either. We're human and entitled to them. It's ok to let go of people who are not good for you. Don't allow anyone to guilt trip you into staying in a relationship and/or friendship. Friends do outgrow one another. It happens. Finally, in order to truly be free, you must forgive. Forgiveness is essential to moving on and letting go. True forgiveness means to remember no more, to cast away. Plus I want a seat in the kingdom with my heavenly father so I'm not gonna let some peanut head keep me from that lol. Why speak on this now you ask? Well sometimes you have to reflect on your past to appreciate your future. If me having to go through all of the foolery to get to where I am now....it was worth it. I'm stronger, I'm more easy to forgive, and I have joy. Most importantly, I'm marrying the man I prayed for in 3 weeks. I couldn't be more thankful and honored.

Until tomorrow.....

Love,

Doc J

23 Days!! Happy Birthday Michael!

It wouldn't be me if I didn't write about my most favorite artist of all time, Michael Joseph Jackson. Today is his birthday and he would've been 55. He was taken away from us way too soon. I have all of his albums, seen every video, watched every concert on YouTube, etc etc. My only dream was to see him live but you know.....I won't go there today lol. Anyway, here are 6 reasons why Michael Jackson was awesome!

1. His heart
Michael had a heart of gold. He would give to anyone especially children. His love for people was grand. Because of that it lead him to be a little naive and vulnerable. I often tell people that having a big heart can be a gift and a curse.

2. His voice
That natural vibrato in his voice...wooo Chile! You knew it was Michael when you heard the first note. His speaking voice was quite soft and unmanly at times, lol, but when he got on that stage it was like a powerhouse! We are here for it Michael! Yaaasssss!

3. Thriller
Enough said! Period! *drops Mic* but for real y'all if that wasn't the greatest video of all time! It was just....man lol. Amazeballs! And the making of thriller was a classic! Yes!

4. Motown 25
When Michael moonwalked for his life on that day. Everyone sat and watched in awe as he so gracefully slid across the stage. It was beautiful! Single tears fell throughout the world that day. It's like the little Michael that everyone had watch over the years had arrived. It was a proud momma moment for all.

5. His live performances
Last year marked 25 years since the album Bad had released. To mark this monumental day, it was decided to release the DVD of the concert at Wembley stadium. Y'all I hollered and screamed as if I were really there. My neighbors were real mad lol. I remember when the Dangerous tour in Bucharest aired on HBO in the early 90s, my siblings and I anxiously awaited for it to come on. And when it come on, we lost our mind! He shot on stage and people started crying and passing out and he hadn't even said a word yet. He moved his head and more people started passing out. Then there was the infamous super bowl performance. That was by far the BEST super bowl half time performance ever! Hands Down!

6. His videos aka short films
I really feel sorry for our youth because they will not experience the excitement of MTV's world premiere of a music video. The excitement that came was priceless ESPECIALLY if it was a Michael Jackson world premiere. The world stopped and watched. I remember Bad's world premier like it was yesterday. Then the movie Moonwalker! It was too much for the masses! The smooth criminal lean...yesss! And when Remember the Time premiered....we were all amazed. His short films were iconic and trailblazing. There has yet to be another like them.

I probably could've gone on but no sense in beating a dead horse. We all know he's great and he's greatly missed. What are some of your favorite MJ moments.

Until tomorrow.....

*moonwalks, spins, lands on toes, pelvic thrusts, smooth criminal leans and shamones*

Doc J

P.S. you're welcome

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=an2BUWq1RaA&feature=youtube_gdata_player